Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, by an advertising exec
by Jonathan Clark on July 9, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Fourscore and seven years ago (say “eighty-seven”) our fathers brought forth (”founded” would be a better word) on this continent a new nation (let’s get the name in there big), conceived in liberty (sounds awkward: say “with the idea of freedom”) and dedicated to the proposition that all men (we ought to have “women” in there too. There’s a lot of women in this country; it’s a big field) are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war (make this the first paragraph–we take too long to get into the story) testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived (see above) and so dedicated can long endure. (Endure what? Make it “last.”) We are met (say “have met”) on a great battlefield of that war. (Put in the name.) We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place (don’t beat around the bush: say “cemetery”) for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live.
(We’re sorry, Mr. Lincoln, but this simply won’t do. Take it and think it over, and see if you can’t give us good, hard-hitting, straight-from-the-shoulder copy.)
I found this in a Reader’s Digest a friend sent me. It’s dated October 1934…75 years ago!!!
